The One Who Started It All..

Owh dear..it's been so long since I opened the Buku Biru I had to re-look what writing I've been posted in these digital pages, it's surprising how random I chose my thoughts to be posted. It's funny how I'm always amazed by my own writing, I never thought I could write like that :)...and it's weird how I never yet posted anything about the one who made me started to write Buku Biru. I guess it's time..

As it is, the posting will be in random order. I know what kind of feeling I would have going through all this, walking through this path again...I would smile, as I always did in the end. I could never hate, as he was the one who made it all begin...I called him Biru, and this book was originally wrote because of him.

dia datang lagi..

pelan..sederhana..tapi saya kaget

apa-apaan nih?! saya ngga siap

cuma sesaat, cuma sejentik, tapi dia ada lagi

satu sisi...saya tidak peduli

sisi lain..saya sadar sesuatu, saya kangen

hari ini...hanya hari ini..

saya yakin dia akan pergi lagi..begitu saja

dan saya kembali melanjutkan langkah saya..

fatamorgana..ilusi..apapun!! Dia hanya sebuah "X"

saya belum merasakan apa pun...

belum sejak yang di Atas memendekkan hidup saya lagi

atau saya yang tidak mau merasakan apa-apa?

saya tutup semuanya...saya bekukan yang ada..tolol sekali!

saya cuma berkata..."itu semua tidak penting"...gak penting!!

saya senyum, semua orang akan tahu saya bahagia

saya tertawa, menebar pesona...Hah!! pergi saja ke neraka!

belum...belum ada rasa apa-apa..

saya hanya berpikir untuk merasa...berpikir..kuldesak!

jadi bagaimana...saya lewat saja?

let the open-up begins... :)

buku biru naik kelas..

Buku Biru goes electronic! hehe..

my walls of thoughts are scattered everywhere not to mention all pieces of words and puzzles inside the generator itself. All this time Buku Biru has been the original place for my mind and heart to dance through my finger running, it captures all my wicked soul shaking, rebelling, falling, rising, and emptying, it holds all the secret of what is not meant for saying, and it has not reached its final pages before i decided to rest it in peace.

I went to the notes of Ipod, thoughts-breaking to the stats and notes of facebook, talking and talking to my dearest R whom probably will be mentioned hereafter, and now..after millions of people doing it, I decided to go to Buku Biru again, in different form. There are so many I wanted to write, dont know where to start, as a pefectionist as I am, I wanted the whole beginning-thing to be perfect..and yet Im still blabering...

It'll take me time to do this again, now that things are not as easy as 9 years ago when I started everything. Dont mind tho..hhhh, enough of this, here's a starter:

For ML, im hereby overring you:

"Aku merindumu..

bukan hanya rasa semu..

sayang aku tak tau..kmana muaraku..

Aku merindumu..

ini bukan diburu-buru..aku menunggu dan permisi ke sang waktu..

sayang tak ada ruang itu..atau sisanya buatku..

Jadi aku merindumu..hanya aku dan penciptaku yang tau..

bahwa saat ini..

rasa ini..begitu.."

-Kamar, 081109, 9:01 PM-

For my half-dien, i believe patience is a virtue:

"for he..

who could lead me in my pray and my lost

who could gives me d'chill and a heart-dropped moments

who his face would pop-up everytime i feel an urge to break

who would bear my talk, my thoughts..and my PMS

who would think im beautiful in my best and my worst

who would come and look for me, as i would for him, for comfort

who would feel better and make me feel d'same, after we talk

who would forget his time if im around him, as i would forget mine

who could basically...endlessly talk to me

who would simply...hug me

who knows we would stillfeel all above..30 years from now.."

-Kamar, 181009, 1:38 AM-

be back for more...